A Life in Words
- Charles Barkley
That's right. "Begin any important piece of writing with a Charles Barkley quote, and anyone who keeps reading will be with you until the end." That's what Frank Sinatra said to me once. Then he called me "babe," which was uncalled for, but it's how those guys talked back then.
Okay, now that I have your attention, I give you a history of Isaac (the unbiased version):
Isaac M. McPhee, esq was born in Mt. Vernon, Washington. That much should be fairly well known to anyone who's done the research. Want to find out if this is actually true or not? Give a call to the Skagit Valley Hospital and ask to look at their records, and if they tell you that these documents are classified, tell them that you're from Homeland Security and that they should take a look at the Patriot Act sometime. That always get's 'em.
Legend speaks of Isaac as a bright boy with a charming personality and winning smile. President Nixon once said of him that, "If all the ice in Antarctica suddenly melted at once, we'd all stay afloat on the boyancy of Isaac's personality alone." What exactly did he mean by that? You tell me.
Nevertheless, Isaac made his way through life in a futile attempt to keep a low profile. He did his best to live like a normal child - there was school, friends, family, summer vacations, a trip to Disneyland or two - but as should be expected, this wasn't always very easy.
Tired of reading and want a break for a moment?
Take a moment to meet Isaac's parents, both of whom have been well known for centuries for their skills in archery, and of whom Aristotle once wrote, "A true friend is one soul in two bodies." It's true. I think they all met at a coctail party or something::
Isaac's first attempt at writing anything beyond a few pages was (though it is embarassing for him to admit it) an eighty-page backstory of Han Solo. Yes, it's true. He was ten years old, and the book told the story of how Han met Chewie, how he aquired the Mellenium Falcon, how he found himself in debt to Jabba the Hutt... it really covered all the bases. And, yes, it was quite the geeky little manifesto, even for a ten year old.
Perhaps it was as a result of this amature attempt (which the Washington Post described as, "A futile exercise in youthful storytelling. While the reader wants desperately to enjoy themselves, they quickly become bogged down in the naievity and excessive enthusiasm which this young mind brings to the literary community. In theory a triumph, in practice, this work can only be described as a failure of the most dismal sort") that led Isaac to re-evaluate his life and calling throughout his teenage years. Those were a time of self-discovery and of rebellion. Of taking life into his own hands, and finding equal parts success and tragic failure.
The culmination of Isaac's young life came when, at the age of eighteen he left his friends and family behind, embarking on a quest to find not only himself, but to find his voice and an answer to questions that he hadn't even formulated yet. It was a pre-emptive journey, to say the least, but a necessary one.
Isaac's path to enlightenment took him to such remote locations as Korea, Thailand, Nepal, Oregon and Italy. From the tops of mountains to the densest of jungles.
Here is a short photo essay:
Mt. Ranier in the Distance
But, like all of his other attempts, even this one ended in failure.
It is said that this is part of the reason he turned his attention to the written word and the study of its effects upon the human consciousness. It was in this light that he attended Western Washington University as an English Major, and it is for this reason he found that course of action wholly unsatisfying (for, as it turns out, people truly interested in the English language should never attempt a degree in this field - such a thing only serves to stifle creativity and to destroy the love of writing).
It was fortunate that Isaac survived his brief years in college, emerging with a lessened, though still extant drive toward providing both enlightenment and entertainment through his writing. Still, there was an unexplainable gap.
Like this.
What did Isaac find to occupy his time during this period? Well, to be sure, it wasn't all bad. For even then, he had his dreams. There was, for just the briefest few weeks in late 2004 and early 2005 where he nearly realized his dream of becoming Pope. Though not excited over the prospect of the world losing a great man like John Paul II, as his health waned, Isaac began an extensive campaign of church reform, hoping that the Catholic Church (of which he was not a part, which may very well have contributed to his failure) might recognize his sincere calls for change. But, as any reasonably intelligent politician knows (and Isaac soon found out) - a campaign cannot be run on a platform of change alone.
Isaac thusly lost the election to Joseph Ratzinger, now Pope Benedict XVI. It was surely inevitable, as Benedict had been very close to JPII, but Isaac was still commended by the new pope for having waged a strong, powerful, and inspiring campaign.
During this time, as well, Isaac began training to become a professional field-goal kicker for a football team. Following his dream, he began personal training with Jan Stenarud, one of the all-time greats. While he hasn't necessarily given up the sport of football entirely, Isaac's training has been waning in recent years, especially in light of his current situation of living within the confines of a major city.
This was the context out of which Isaac's creativity, without any warning, like a phoenix rising from the ashes, suddenly returned.
Beginning in 2005, Isaac began to write books. One after another was churned out under the force of nature that was his pen (at least, poetically. In actuality it was his computer, but pen has a much prouder ring to it).
He began with fiction - a science fiction adventure novel, a pirate adventure novel, a western adventure novel, a fantasy novel, an historical epic, a horror novel. He made it a goal of his to write a book in every genre of fiction that existed at the time. It remains a noble goal, and he has a good start already toward its completion.
That is when the non-fiction began.
It started with an epic 500 page survey of theoretical physics (which was preceded by a few months of actually learning the basics of the subject), and has continued with historical and other scientific essays and introspectives.
And so a new goal has been set - to extinguish a precedent set decades ago by one of history's most prolific authors - Isaac Asimov.
Asimov, to his credit, published somewhere around 500 books; a number Isaac makes no pretense of being able to match in his lifetime. However, Asimov also became the first person to write books in every single category of the Dewey Decimal system... but for one. Philosophy.
That's right, Asimov left a little bit of room for improvement.
It is Isaac's goal to un-up Mr. Asimov, by being the first person in history to write a book in every category. And it is a feat he will accomplish, for by announcing his intentions to the world right here and now, he is forcing himself to follow through with his plans.
And chief among those plans at the moment?
Winning a Nobel Prize.
This is Isaac's long-term goal, and he is absolutely determined to make it happen. He doesn't care which one (though he himself predicts that it will be the Peace Prize, if for no other reason than it seems to be the easiest one to get these days (no offense to Mr. Gore or President Carter... at least, not much). If he had a choice, however, he would win the prize for physics, as it is the one that seems to be the most difficult.
Time will tell, though. Time will surely tell.